A new chapter

Jun 2, 2010 · In About Allison · By Allison Carenza

It's odd.  Usually on the last day of school I'm bubbling over with excitement and anticipation of the coming summer.  I count the hours, minutes, seconds.  I have a perma grin for weeks before.  I can't wait to sit on my deck and read a book books.  Not so much this year.  This year it's more than a break.  This year it's more than a few months.  You see I started my morning today teary eyed and I ended my day confused.  I'm  really trying to show myself here, but it's so hard.  How do I put into words the feelings I'm having.  Is it sad, happy, anxious, scared or a combo?  Is it the change, the possibilities, or the end I feel most.  These things I'm very unsure of, what I'm sure of is what I'm giving up.  I'm giving up an 8 year career doing something I love, something that felt great.  I'm leaving behind a place where I contributed to the world.  I molded my little loves into confident happy little people ready to conquer the world.  The feeling of watching them grow is something that I won't be able to replace, I will always miss it.  As the tears roll down my cheeks I realize that that's really what it is.  Nothing is gained without sacrifice and I'm giving up that joy for my passion.  Being a teacher I was always sure of one thing...I could make a difference.  So now I say goodbye to that chapter, to those kids, those faces I will never forget, and I look to the future unsure of everything but the hope in my heart, and the dream of making it, whatever it may be. Today is for mourning, tomorrow is for dreaming.  I hope when you read this you see a little piece of me in all my craziness.  I feel exposed, but loved.  Thank you to all the amazing people in my life for cheering me on.  I wouldn't be making this sacrifice without you.